


Sebastian Stantasy

by MsPooslie



Category: Captain America (Movies), Kings (TV 2009), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Political Animals, Real Person Fiction, The Bronze (2015)
Genre: Cleveland, Depression, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Pittsburgh, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Insert, Widowed, plus size reader, thighs of betrayal
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-25
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2019-07-17 07:04:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16090514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsPooslie/pseuds/MsPooslie
Summary: When you run into Sebastian Stan in a hotel gym, he seems too kind to be real. will his friendship ease your broken heart? Plus Sized & Widowed reader.





	1. Chapter 1

Monday night and the gym in the fancy hotel is small but well appointed and blissfully deserted. I sigh wearily, working out sucks especially when you are new to it, but I straighten my “thighs of betrayal” tank and step onto the elliptical. Halfway through a mile, my glasses begin slipping off my nose so I take them off and turn down my music (“slept so long” from the queen of the damned soundtrack) a notch so I’m not blind AND deaf. 

My head shoots up as I hear the door open. Oh great a super buff guy, (from what I can tell by his blurry figure) just swell! I am sweating like some sort of farm animal and he stops short in front of me, staring for a moment, yeah dude im incredibly out of shape go away, then he takes the machine RIGHT NEXT TO MINE. Wtf dude? Like yeah it's a small gym but JFC there's other machines. 

I internally roll my eyes and turn my music way up; closing my eyes to concentrate on my breathing so I don't die. The “Terminator 2” theme comes on and the dude is saying something. If I had the breath I would sigh but I just pull out the earbud on his side and raise my eyebrows. 

“Sorry, just...don't gulp my water like that, you'll cramp.”

His voice sounds familiar but I just nod in thanks and raise the earbud back to my ear, upping my speed a little, off my target pace from the distraction. 

I can't get over it though, his voice is really...I try squinting at him but he's just far enough away that I can't make out his features without my glasses. Just...black baseball cap, short beard, buff, tall. “The Causeway” from the Captain America 2 soundtrack shuffles on--it always gets me pumped. I hit a mile as the song gets to where Cap recognizes Bucky and it. Just. Fucking. Clicks. 

That voice. Nooooo. I fumble to put on my glasses and turn to look at him. 

Sebastian Stan. SEBASTIAN FUCKING STAN! 

If I weren't on a machine with handles I would have tripped on my face. As it is, I nearly fall off. He actually hops off his machine and helps me down. Fuck. I am so sooo sweaty. Please dear god strike me down to save me from this mortification. No such luck. 

He is lightly rubbing my (super sweaty, eww) back, telling me to breathe slowly in and out. I grab for my water and take a just a little sip as I wave him off. 

“Thanks, man.” I just stare at him for a moment, “I think that's my cue to call it a day before I hurt someone or die of embarrassment.”

“Aww. You're doin’ great. Don’t be embarrassed! I hate working out too, actually, but ya gotta.” He reaches out and puts a hand on my shoulder, squeezing it lightly. “Keep up the good work.”

I nod as I take another sip of water. FUUUCK. I tentatively get back on the machine and crank the music, trying so hard to just ignore him. Mile 2 ends up being the fastest mile I have ever done. Apparently attempting impressing a hot guy is great motivation. Guess Tina Fey was right! I slow into cool-down when NIN “Closer” comes on. I almost throw my headphones off my ears. NOPE. not listening to THAT with HIM in the room. With my ears free I can hear him….grunting  No, not grunting, sort of moaning?, as he lifts these seriously giant weights. Oh god. I stare at him mouth agape for a moment before shaking my head to clear it and practically sprint for the door.

I hear him set them down and call “nice shirt” with a laugh as I duck out of the room with a squeak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thighs of betrayal tank top: https://www.redbubble.com/people/tehmomo/works/21548973-thighs-of-betrayal-the-winter-soldier?rbs=  
> Sex as a reward for exercise: “I think someone should design exercise machines that reward people with sex at the end of their workouts, because people will perform superhuman feats for even the faint hope of that.” Tina Fey, Bossypants  
> Sebastian moaning while lifting weights ITS FUCKIN HOT AS HELL BRUV: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WI80hEg23J8&t=103s


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning, I refuse to leave my room in the until I have done full hair and makeup, much to the annoyance of my best friend who is used to me being much lower maintenance. 

“Come on, I am going to be late for my meeting!”

“Look, If you are that worried about waiting for me to drop you off, take an Uber. If I run into him again, I will NOT be all sweaty and WILL ask him for a selfie.” 

I don’t run into him though. Not when I look cute, at least. Of course not. 

That afternoon, I do run into him at the damned pool. As if sweating on an elliptical wasn’t bad enough. Swimsuit and pool hair instead. my mascara is probably all running. Waterproof, my ass! Great. At least he has his shirt off? I shrug and continue my laps for a few minutes before taking a break at the deep end of the pool. He is doing a lazy backstroke and as he sees me stopped, he pulls up next to me at the wall.

“So, uhh...what brings you to town? I mean, Cleveland of all the places?”

He laughs, “you’re here aren't you?” I shrug and he continues, “I have a couple of days of downtime between filming in Buffalo and a con in Detroit so I thought I would come here. We stayed here during re-shoots for Cap 2. It’s a nice hotel and makes for an easy drive on Wednesday.” he jerks his chin at me, “you?”

“My best friend is doing inspections on a construction project. Since they put him up in this nice hotel, he asked if I wanted to come keep him company. I said sure because who turns down a free vacation? Even if it is to Cleveland, ugh.”

“What’s your beef with Cleveland?”

“All of Ohio, actually but Cleveland especially. I’m from Pittsburgh, we’re required to hate it. That’s the law. Sorry.”

He laughs. Oh. it’s that scrunched up nose laugh. It’s even better in real life.

I decide to quit while I’m ahead and resume my laps. He eventually joins and I admire his flip turn, something I have never been able to master. I stop at the shallow end to watch him for 3 laps, hoping he will stop for a second so I can ask him for tips. At the deep end of the 4th lap, he pops out of the water and turns to see me watching him.

“Sorry, but if you have a second, can you show me what I’m doing wrong with my flip? Since you were so helpful in the gym yesterday.”

He gestures for me to swim to his end and I give it my best, coming up spluttering when my ears and nose fill with water, like always.

“I are pulling out of the tuck too soon, also you gotta duckface to protect your nose. The ears, well, that’s just gonna happen.”

I give it a few tries and when I finally get it I swim over and hug him in my excitement, not thinking. “Shit, sorry! You don’t actually know me!”

“Well, we can change that, I’m Sebastian.”

“Yeah, I know.” I  give him my name and shake hands formally. He laughs again and gives me a little splash before diving away. I am tempted to chase but decide against it. He wasn’t playing splashy splashy, he’s just really nice. Literally everyone who has met him has said that about him.

A few more minutes of laps, now with a great turn, and I am feeling pretty tired so I just lazily float on my back. I almost jump out of my skin when he swims over and pops up with his face right next to mine. “OH MY G---” followed by drowning sounds as I sink beneath the water. When I pop back up, I hit him in the shoulder. “What the hell?” 

“Sorry! I just wondered what I were humming.”

I immediately blush. NOOOOOoooooo. I would pray for lightning but that would probably kill him too. Shit! There is no FORCE ON THIS EARTH that will get me to tell him that I was humming PART OF YOUR WORLD FROM LITTLE MERMAID. “umm...I don’t want to tell you?” 

“Well, then hum a few more bars, I almost had it!”

“NOPE!” no way.

He laughs and begins hums the last few notes he heard over and over and then his face breaks into a smile. “Little Mermaid?”

“Yeah…..because you’re Sebastian?….and I used to always play ‘Little Mermaid’ with my friends whenever we would swim as kids.”

“Give them an inch and they swim all over you”

“HA! Yes! Sorry, I probably got a lot of that huh?”

“Nah, not as much as it could have been.”

“I had a cat named Sebastian. After the crab ….obviously. Though the kids in my class would tease me that I named it after a boy i had a crush on. His middle name was Sebastian.” just stop talking! GOD YOU’RE MAKING IT WORSE! But he is just laughing again and I look up to see my friend who has come out to the pool deck looking for me. 

He is still in dress pants and shirt but has shed his jacket and tie he wore for his meetings, flinging them over a deck chair. He heads over to the deep end and squats down, “Wow. She wasn’t kidding! It really is you.” he sits and puts his feet in the water. “Wish I had my copy of ‘The Covenant’ so I could get you to sign it!”

I roll my eyes with a laugh and explain, “He likes the homoerotic subtext”

Sebastian laughs too, “it’s barely SUB-text in that one!”

“Sebastian, this is my best friend, Scott.”

Sebastian reaches up to shake his hand., “Hey, nice to meet you, man.”

Scott turns to you, “wanna hit up that barbeque place? Mabel’s? Carl, the construction manager, insists that we go there at least once. He said there's a lot of good live music down there too.”

“Sure! Let me go wash the chlorine off first though.”

He turns to Sebastian, “have plans? Want to join us?”

“That sounds great!”

I am half out of the pool and choke a little. WHAT. Luckily, Scott embarasses me further by wolf whistling. “Damn girl your tatas look great in that suit!”

Like really where is that bolt of lighting when I need it?! “Geeze, Scott! For a gay guy, you sure are obsessed with boobs!” I flick some water at him and have a silent glare fight while Sebastian gets out of the pool. He grabs his towel and saunters over us both. 

“Meet you guys in the lobby at six? That way we can get drinks first.”

“Six is great. It’ll give this one time to get all dolled up so she can take a selfie with you later!” he gestures at me with his thumb after he stands up from the side of the pool.

“Oh my GOD, SCOTT!” I flick him with my towel and blush from head to toe, “can you mortify me some more please?”

“Oh, honey, I know I’ve got 20 years of ammo, right?”

“Nope! Ok Sebastian we’ll meet I at six!” I grab Scott by the arm and bodily drag him into the hotel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> splashy splash is a reference to Eddie Izzard: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8NvnQVqcHQY&t=319s


	3. Chapter 3

I have the perfect dress to wear, paired with some ballet flats and it only takes 30 minutes to shower and get ready which leaves plenty of time to pace nervously. “I can’t believe you invited him! Like what if I get sauce all over myself like I always do?!”

Scott just rolls his eyes. “Hey, you were the one flirting with him in the pool! I thought you’d be excited to go on a pseudo date. Especially a no-pressure one with your best friend there as a buffer.”

“Oh my GOD this is NOT a date! Its Sebastian STAN! We don’t even know if he is single!”

“Bitch, please, who spends half a week alone in CLEVELAND, ugh, unless they are single. Trust me. Also, he was looking at your tits in the pool. So he can’t be THAT single. At least he’s straight so that’s at least better than you usually do.”

“Har har. I have only dated 3 guys who turned out to be gay. Including YOU if I recall.”

“Blah blah ‘you broke my heart in 11th grade’ blee. I know. It’s just... You haven’t even looked at a REAL guy, in REAL life, since Paul...”

“NO. we are not bringing up Paul now. I have MAKEUP on and will not ruin it by crying.”

“OK. ok. He seems fun and we can hang out with him and you never have to see him again if you feel embarrassed. This is like a dream scenario, kid! Do it for your highschool self who never got to go on a date with Leonardo DiCaprio or whoever”

“Ew, I didn’t like Leo in highschool, dumbass. It was all about Jonathan Brandis or Brad Renfro or...Heath Ledger. Oh god…..” my eyes go wide as Scott gestures at me frantically.

“Nope! We’re not going down the ‘everyone I like is either gay or dies’ road tonight. Besides, ‘it’s not a daaaate’.”

“It’s NOT! Besides, Sebastian is past ‘the curse of 27’ so he should be fine.”

“How did Eddie Furlong ever survive you? He was the most messed up of all of them.”

“He must be gay?” we both laugh to keep from crying at my abysmal track record.

 

Sebastian is waiting in the lobby, leaning casually against a pillar while scrolling through his phone. I stop dead in my tracks to stare at him. He’s wearing a phthalo green fitted dress shirt and looks damn fine. He has the sleeves rolled up and the top two buttons open. He glances up and sees me, throwing his arms wide in excitement, “Space dress!”

“Yasss!”

“Want that selfie now?”

I blush but nod, “yes, please.” I step over to him, holding up my phone and he nestles right next to me, huge smile on his face. 

Scott rolls his eyes at us and holds out his hand, “come on, you both are all looking so dapper, let’s get one with the outfits.”

I literally giggle, how embarrassing, but hand my phone to Scott, who begins exaggeratingly directing us like it is a fashion shoot. I let him continue for a few minutes but then take my phone back. “Ok Annie Leibovitz, lets go. You’re making our new friend uncomfortable”

“Nah, it’s fun though,” he pulls his phone out of his pocket, “I ordered an Uber, should be here any second”.

“Oh! I didn’t have to do that we could have taken my car!”

“Yeah but this way we don't have to worry about parking or designated drivers or anything.”

“Designated driver? Are you planning on getting us drunk Mister Stan?” Scott waggles his eyebrows mischievously.

Before he can answer, the car pulls up and Scott darts to the car with a cry of “shotgun!”

Sebastian just smiles and opens the rear passenger door, gesturing for me to get in. WHAT. He actually opened the door for me. Jesus is he for reals?

I mumble “thanks” and Scott waggles his eyebrows over his shoulder.. 

I narrow my eyes at him and whisper “I know what I THINK you are doing, cut it out!”

He gives a fake innocent look while hissing back, “I have no idea what you are talking about!”

Sebastian slides in next to me and we are off. The ride only takes a few minutes, Scott asking the driver about his life and family. He’s so great at small talk and making people feel comfortable. When the car pulls up to the end of Restaurant Row, I thank the driver, slipping him a tip and there is Sebastian, opening my door again. Literally never has an actual date done that, not to mention a friggin celebrity that I have known for about 20 minutes. He really is the nicest guy I have ever met.

At the bar my order a Captain & Coke and sit on the patio. Sebastian and Scott join with beers and the three of us chat amicably for a while, eventually landing on space. “I had wanted to be an astronomer but there was too much math,” I sigh, resignedly. “So I make do with photos, when I get a chance for some dark skies.” I pull out my phone and show him my favorite. 

“Woah, that's really great! Where is that?” 

“Nebraska, we went for the eclipse in 2017.”

He turns to Scott, who has sort of zoned out with all the space nerd talk, “why Nebraska?”

“Hmm? Oh, that's not me, it's her husband, Paul,” He says, only half paying attention while trying to catch the eye of the handsome busboy. When he realizes what he's said his eyes snap to mine, “shit, sorry!”

“Husband?” Sebastian eyes dart to my empty left ring finger.

I pull the chain with both wedding bands that I always wear from inside my dress, “yes, husband.” I swallow thickly, “he died. This time last year, actually. Another reason Scott wanted me to come on this trip. Didn't want me to be alone.” I reach over and squeeze Scott's hand. 

“Oh gosh, I'm so sorry.” Sebastian reaches out and takes my other hand in both of his, “to lose someone like that when you are so young. How did it happen, if it's not too painful for me to ask?”

“Brainstem glioblastoma. It was very fast.” 

Scott hands me a napkin as I take a shuddering breath. I wipe away the couple of tears that have fallen and Sebastian rubs my knuckles with his thumb. 

“Ugh, sorry! We were having such a fun night!”

Sebastian gives my hand a squeeze, “please, don't be sorry. Life has put you through the ringer.”

I take a deep, steadying breath and nod. 

Scott, always to the rescue, “well, are we up for dinner? Change of scenery at least.”

The three of us stand up, Scott tossing a few bills onto the table along with his number for the busboy, and head to Mabel’s, when the waiter comes over I sigh, needing a stiff drink. “Makers Mark, neat. Wait. Make it a double”. 

Sebastian nods in approval and orders the same. Scott jokingly glares at us as he orders a beer, “because SOME OF US have to work tomorrow!”

When the drinks come and we have ordered dinner, Scott raises his beer, “to friendships, old,” clinking my glass, “and new,” clinking Sebastian's. 

“To new friends,” Sebastian repeats and clinks with me. 

The food comes remarkably fast and it is amazing. About halfway through dinner, Scott gets a text from “Hot Busboy” and immediately checks out of the conversation, leaving us to talk amongst ourselves. 

Conversation goes easily, aided by the alcohol, I am much more comfortable. I talk about how great Pittsburgh is and how if he is ever in the area I would show him around. He agrees but I are sure he's just being nice. 

It turns out Hot Busboy gets off his shift at 9:30 so Scott ditches the us to go meet up with him. He leaves I his credit card to pay for dinner, though, with a flourish, “I've got an eighty buck-a-night allotment!” Sebastian and I have another double Maker’s Mark and stay for a while, talking and picking over the last vestiges of the delicious meals. The bill is a *bit* higher than $80 with three of I and the drinks but I am happy to pay the difference. Sebastian tries to pay but I insist since he paid for the Uber. 

As I step out of the restaurant, he asks if I want to go back to the bar I went to before, now pretty hopping for a Tuesday. As I step inside I see why--a jazz band had just taken a break--promising to be back in 5. I’m already feeling pretty tipsy but order an Angry Orchard and we grab a newly vacant booth in the back so we can still talk. 

We seem to be really hitting it off--or maybe even a cider was more alcohol than I should have had--but I’m having a great time, the most fun I’ve had in months. Feeling pleasantly warm, I finally get up the nerve to confess, “You were on my list, you know. Well, we never officially had lists but you know.”

He laughs, blushing a little, “your list? Like a freebie list? Like on FRIENDS?”

“Haha, yes!” Oh god how drunk am I? Run away Sebastian I'm about to put my foot in my mouth! “Oh yeah, it was James McAvoy for like a decade but then, Bucky Barnes happened and you kicked him right off, 300 style.” I literally kick my leg. Oh, please stop! “I can even tell you the exact moment,” I lean closer to him and my voice drops conspiratorially, “when you do the little lip quiver in Civil War, while Zemo reads the triggers. That's when I loved Bucky. He doesn't want to hurt people! He is a precious cinnamon roll!” I grab his shoulder, super seriously, “you are such an amazing actor.” I lean back in my seat and nod, happy to have bestowed my approval on his acting skills. Ugh alcohol, no. What are you doing to my mouth?!

He blushes again, “Thanks. It's always good to hear when a part I have done touches someone.” He reaches over and gives my hand a squeeze.

My phone buzzes and I pull it out, Scott has sent a string of emojis--two eggplants a building and a red X. Ugh, he's getting laid in our shared room! WTF Scott!! I groan aloud.

“What's wrong?”

“Scott just kicked me out of our room for the foreseeable future,” I show him the text. “Not cool, dude! What the hell am I supposed to do?”

“Well, we can stay here a while then if he's still ...occupied, we can go to my room.”

“Woah!”

“What?”

“I know I said you were on my list but I'm not actually gonna sleep with you!”

He looks mortified, “oh god, no! I have a suite, there's a whole living room and a little kitchen and everything! I'd never presume--”

I cut him off with a bark of laughter, “I'm just kidding dude! Well, not about the sex but I just wanted to see how I would react.” I smile warmly, “You’re a real stand up guy, Stan. Kudos to your mother.”

“Ha! Yeah, she would appreciate that!”

We lapse into comfortable silence as I bop along to the music. 

The band plays for another hour and when they are done I’m pretty ready to head back to the hotel. I keep checking my phone but no dice. Scott must be having a great time. 

Sebastian finally grabs my hand and pulls me out of the bar, an Uber on its way.  “You seem beat, come on back to mine, you can relax on the couch. No funny business, I promise!”

“Ok, ok. Sorry! I just. I'm an introvert so I need some quiet time to recharge.”

“Yes! Let's go!”

I laugh at his enthusiasm. He really is like a puppy sometimes! “Ok! How many minutes till our ride gets here?” I follow him to the end of the street, still holding hands.

When the car pulls up, he opens my door again. I think he will get in the front with the driver but he jogs around to join me in the backseat. I chalk it up to him being used to taxis in New York. As the car pulls away, he turns to you. “What are you doing tomorrow?”

“I was going to go to the West Side Market and pick up something for lunch then hit the Art Museum. It's FREE! I’m very excited about the museum, being an art nerd, as well as a space nerd”. Good to see alcohol is still ruining my life. 

“Want some company?”

“Really?!” I can't help the giant grin that springs to my face. 

“Yeah, if you want. If not, no worries.”

“Uhh, yeah! Of course! Wait. I thought I have to leave tomorrow?”

“Detroit is only like two hours, I was gonna leave after 5 to avoid traffic.”

“Ok! Sounds like a plan! Do I want to pick a time or?”

“Here,” he hands me his phone, “put my number in.” I do and he sends a smiley emoji. “Now you have my number too. Just text me in the morning and we'll play it by ear.”

I save his number as “Sexy Sebass ;)”. 

I get to the hotel and head to his suite. It is on the top storey and takes up like half the floor. It has a fucking fireplace and jacuzzi! I almost regret saying that I wouldn't sleep with him because there is also a balcony with a bottle of champagne in a chiller and it almost breaks my resolve. ….Not that he has offered or anything, geeze self get it together. 

“This place is so great!” I beeline for the balcony, Cleveland may not have a fantastic skyline but it's still pretty from up there. The wind is kicking up pretty good off the lake and I shiver. He is there in a flash with a blanket that he drapes over my shoulders. 

“You are too sweet, Sebastian! Like for reals.”

“Just trying to be a good host. Do you want a drink?”

I glance at the champagne but know better, “just a water, that’d be great.”

When he comes back out we lean on the railing and look out at the city. “I guess Cleveland isn't SO bad. Don't tell anyone I said that, though!” I laugh and he reaches out to brush a stray hair out of my face. I turn to smile at him and he catches my eyes with his and pins me in place, licks his lip and biting the bottom one. Does he know what that does to people?! I shake my head to clear it. “Christ, you don't even realize what a sexy beast you are, do you? Licking them lips, it should be illegal!”

Sebastian just laughs and blushes. “It's a nervous tic! When I do it, I'm actually feeling very awkward and the opposite of sexy.”

“Oh, god!” I laugh, “you have no idea how nice that is to hear. Half of the time I open my mouth I want to die of embarrassment!”

“Why? You are really funny.”

I blush and smile so largely my face hurts with the effort. “Thank you. Really. That is honestly the best compliment anyone can give me.” 

“Aww, Come here,” he holds his arms out for a hug and I take him up on the offer, tentatively at first but easing into his embrace. It feels really nice, he is just a few inches taller and I nestle against him. I probably should step away but it just feels so pleasant. To have this new person in my life, to take a break from the mess that the past year has been. It feels so good to not be hurting, even if it is just for a few minutes.

My phone buzzes and I would ignore it, knowing it’s Scott but the spell is broken. “Thanks, you are a really good hugger,” I step back, answering the call. “Hey, ass.”

“Heeeey! Sorry! But you were ok, got to hang out with mister dreamboat.”

“Yeah, yeah. So. Are I done? Its like 1AM. If I’m getting up to take your ass to the site tomorrow, I need to go to bed soon.” Sebastian is waving at you, “hang on.”

“I can drive us around tomorrow and bring you back here before I leave. That way you can sleep in.”

“Nevermind, Sebastian said he would drive tomorrow so you can have the car.”

Scott cackles in my ear, “OOOooohhh another date!” 

“Shut up.”

“Anyway, I am done, I can come back whenever I want. Unless--”

“Don’t even say it. I will probably come back before too long. Go to bed, goober, I’ll see you tomorrow.” I hang up the phone, turning to see that, thankfully, Sebastian has gone inside to give me privacy. The last thing I need is him thinking that I think tomorrow is a date.

I’m finishing up my water when Sebastian surprises me, yet again. “Hey, do you have an online shop or something where I can order a print of that Stargazer photo? It is really great.”

“Yes! BUT! I would love tp print it myself and sign it for you. As a gift.”

“That would be amazing. Be sure to pass along the store information though, I’ll give a plug on instagram.”

“Oh my god, that would be fantastic. I’ll probably make a year’s salary off your fans. Especially the space nerds like us.”

“Yeah Space Nerds!” he puts his hand up for a high five and I slap it, laughing, probably too hard and long at the silly joke, the booze and late hour are really getting to me. When I finally catch my breath I sigh, “I should really hit the hay. Thanks for letting me hang out with I while Scott got his rocks off.”

He laughs, “hey, any time. This was really fun, looking forward to tomorrow. Text me when you get up. Do I want me to walk you to your room?”

I smile, “such a gentleman! I will be ok, but thanks.”

He holds his arms out for another hug and I sink into his embrace but only for a few moments this time.

I practically float to my room. Scott already asleep, snoring in his bed when I get there. The man could sleep through nuclear war so I don’t even worry about disturbing him by turning on the lights and getting ready for bed. I fall into the pillow-top mattress and surprisingly fall asleep in mere moments.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dress: http://a.co/d/4afx9tp  
> photo: https://scontent.fagc3-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/21032469_10156250819212119_364055904109522724_n.jpg?_nc_cat=107&_nc_ht=scontent.fagc3-1.fna&oh=151f233e6f5db22fe8b679061320a36a&oe=5CB155D7


	4. Chapter 4

 

A piercing shaft of sunlight wakes me. The stupid curtains weren’t closed all the way. My mouth feels like something died in it but otherwise I’m not feeling too worse for wear. I haven’t drank that much in months—and before that, years—but the water seems to have staved off the worst of the hangover I probably would have had.

It’s only 9:13 but I text Sebastian anyway. 

He texts back almost immediately, asking my room number.

I give it to him but say I have to get ready still so not to come down. I quickly hop in the shower and are drying my hair when I hear a knock. SHIT. I grab a shirt and throw it on my damp body, along with my sleep shorts and go to answer the door. It is a hotel employee with a tray of food.

“Courtesy of Mister Stan,” he hands the tray to me and reads off a card, “he said to enjoy and let him know when you are ready. Gratuity is covered, have a lovely day.” he leaves me, mouth gaping in the doorway.

I finally come to my senses and close the door, turning and setting the tray on the desk. It has scrambled eggs and oatmeal. All plain but with sides of salt, pepper, ketchup, cinnamon, sugar, and butter. There is a little note tucked under the plate, “I didn’t know how you would be feeling so I ordered some comfort food.” oh he is such a sweetie!

I text him thanks with a heart emoji and to give me 20 minutes to finish getting ready.

I don’t spend much time on my hair and makeup and grab a simple black tank and bootcut jeans. I’m finishing up the oatmeal when there is another knock at my door. I open it to see a radiant Sebastian.

“Good morning, sunshine!” he says at my tired smile.

“Mornin’, almost ready.” I sit on the bed to pull on my pink Nikes.

“How are I feeling, really?”

“I’m doing ok. The oatmeal definitely helped, thanks. I only had a couple of bites of the eggs though, I didn’t want to push it.”

“How do I feel about coffee?”

“YES.”

He laughs, “ok, that’s our first stop then.”

I stand and gesture at the door. He gives me a once over, “lookin’ cute there, girlie.”

I roll my eyes and frown shyly, crossing my arms over my ample waist “I guess.”

He doesn’t notice my self consciousness and we walk through the lobby together, all eyes sliding past me to linger on him. His car is waiting out front, Valet handing him the keys. I slide into the passenger seat and stare out the window. He lets me sit in silence with just some light music playing very quietly in the background and his phone giving directions. When he pulls into the parking lot of a coffee shop, he turns to me, patting my knee “hey... hi.” 

I turn from the window to look at him, “hi, sorry. I’m in a funk today. If I want to scrap hanging out with me, it’s fine.”

“Do I want to talk about it? Just want some coffee and silence?”

“Let’s start with the coffee and see how the silence goes.” 

He jumps out of the car to run around and open the door for me, holding out his hand, “OK, great! And cut that ditching I nonsense out. If you don’t feel like going that’s one thing but I can handle walking around in silence while looking at art.”

I give him a tight smile and follow him into the shop. I order a latte and settle into a quiet corner, sipping it. He joins a moment later, chewing his lip. I see it now, the bashfulness he is feeling, and it makes my heart swell. I take a swig and a deep sigh, letting the heat of the drink settle into my bones. I reach out a hand toward him, placing it palm down on the table. He almost immediately covers it with his and his face lights up with a smile. “So, if the offer is still open to talk…” I trail off, unsure.  Maybe I shouldn’t lay my issues on him, I have known him less than 24 hours.

“Yeah, if you want, I’m right here.”

I nod and take a steadying breath, “so there are some things about me that I usually don’t tell people right away--not because I am ashamed, mind you, just….it’s a lot to lay on someone.”

He nods, sagely, “whatever you’re comfortable sharing. Trust me, I have heard it ALL. I’m not a priest or bartender but people seem to like opening up to me.”

“I just have one of those faces--open, inviting.”

He’s biting his lip again, shy.

“Anyway, so yeah, issues. Aside from the obvious grief issues, I have common body image issues, as well as a boatload of depression. And that’s what we’re dealing with today. A one-two punch to the gut of body issues and depression with a cherry of grief on top, all wrapped up in a to-go box of a hangover.” I laugh, wryly, “you called me cute this morning and it sort of threw me for a loop. Cute isn’t even usually a compliment I have trouble taking but it was you,” I gesture at all of him, “I would have accepted it last night with no qualms, having gotten dolled up, but I am a mid-30s, plain, plus-sized woman--even cute takes more work than I put in today and I-” I break off, suddenly choked up.

“Hey, i’m sorry--”   
“No, oh please, no don’t be sorry, gosh it’s just my fucked up brain,” I gesture at my head, “I just, I’m sorry that I am a pain in the ass to put up with sometimes. Just---want you to know that ahead of time since you are so busy and I’ll understand if being friends with me is too much bullshit to deal with.”

He’s rubbing my back and hands me a napkin, “sometimes the biggest pain in the asses are the best friends.” I laugh, taking a shuddering breath. “Can I say something else? Since I complimented you this morning and you didn’t like it, I wanted to ask first.”

“Oh honey, yes you can say whatever you want. I just--my brain is an asshole. But please, speak freely, that’s what friends do, right?”

He gives a tight smile and licks his lips, “OK. So the way I see it, there's a light inside you that life has tried to put out but hasn't. And it's so beautiful--YOU are so beautiful. I know you don't like that but it's true. You are. Not in spite of my supposed ‘flaws’ but because of them. What you call boring, I see as simply stunning. When I walked into the gym that day, I saw you working so hard, mouthing the words to whatever song was playing. You were striking, sweating yes but glowing with it and your eyes closed, I just had a visceral reaction to it. That was why I stopped and stared. It wasn't he shirt. I didn't notice that until you almost fell off the machine.”

I groan and hide my face, “oh, mortification!”

He laughs, “I know but it was so charming, you got so flustered it was really adorable.” He squeezes my shoulder and finishes his coffee. “ready to go?”

I stand to follow him to the door.


	5. Chapter 5

When we get to the West Side Market it is bustling but not crazy busy. I set a leisurely pace, looking at all the stalls. It all looks so good. Sebastian is nearly exstatic “oh my gosh this is so great!” His enthusiasm is like a balm for my mood and I find myself following him around with a huge grin. 

He chats a little with each of the stall owners we buy from. we end up with a good lunch to share with tabbouleh salad, stuffed grape leaves, and a pizza bagel. 

I moan in delight at one of the bakery stands, wondering aloud, “how bad would it be to get one of each?” Sebastian points excitedly at the giant creampuffs and I order one to share for dessert. 

I’m taking too long to decide at the pickles stand and Sebastian wanders off. I get a half-dozen different kinds to share with Scott later. 

I turn to look for Sebastian and he’s striding over from across the building, one arm behind his back. As he approaches, I raise a questioning eyebrow. He pulls his arm around and in it is a bouquet of flowers I had been admiring. 

“Sebastian! I didn’t have to do this!” 

“Yeah but look at that smile!”

I kiss him on the cheek and he blushes! Omg he is the cutest! 

We head back to the car, putting the flowers in my now empty coffee cup, and off to the museum we go, my mood definitely improved. 

We approach the museum from the south, and see the huge gardens and pond and agree that we should eat lunch out there but it’s too early now so we head on in. 

I make a beeline for the Renaissance era, it’s my favorite. We set a comfortable pace not too fast not too slow and find yourself really enjoying the museum and enjoying the time with him, both of you pointing out pieces that catch your eye. 

I tell him about my favorite piece at the museum in Pittsburgh, Venus lamenting the death of Adonis. “It’s just so beautiful, they look like they could step off the canvas but also so ethereal and that have this glow almost. Like down to the nails on his hand!” I turn from the canvas I was comparing it to and Sebastian is staring at me with a tender expression. “What?”

He blinks several times as I smile at him, “I will really have to come see it when I’m in town, you make is sound lovely.”

“Yes! You’ll have to go. They have dinosaurs too! In the natural history part, not the art part.”

“WE’ll have to go.” he says poking me in the side.

I just smile, blushing a little.

After a while, we head outside for our lunch, settling on a bench in the dappled shade of a tree. Conversation ambles around to other museums we have liked and end up talking about Mercer Museum in Doylestown, “it was really interesting to see how things were done before the industrial revolution but GOD I thought i was going to die there!”

He barks a laugh, “why?”

“Oh, it was a nightmare to go to museums with Paul ordinarily but our friend we went there with has a masters in museum studies so we would probably STILL be there if it was up to the two of them!”

“uh-oh, a nightmare?” both of us laughing now.

“Oh, yes, Paul had to read EVERYTHING. All the little tags on all the artwork, even if it wasn’t a piece he was particularly interested in. he had this shirt that said ‘always read the plaque’ on it that he would wear special whenever we were going to any sort of museum or historical site. When we went to greenfield village in Detroit three years ago i ended up reading half a novel on my phone because he was taking so long!” I chuckle a few more times before turning melancholy, “he really love knowledge. He would always have about 50 tabs open on his browser for articles he wanted to read, while I was bumming around on tumblr and shit. We used to get into arguments sometimes because i would be laughing so hard at whatever i was reading meanwhile he was elbows deep in some serious article about the deficit or whatever. I used to get so mad at him for it like, ‘don;t take it out on me because you insist on reading the depresso times’. God i was such an asshole.” a few tears slip down my cheeks. “Fuck. I’m sorry. I’m so messed up.”

Sebastian just rubs my back, looking over the water. “No, its fine. Look, everyone has things that annoy them, that doesn’t make you an asshole, it just makes you a person. You weren’t mean about it, I’m sure, right?”

“No, you’re right, just annoyed. I guess a decade of marriage will have that.” i sniffle softly. “Thank you, really, for coming out with me today. I didn’t want to make a big thing of it but today--today is the anniversary.”

“Oh, honey,” he pulls me into a hug.

“Just, thanks for keeping me company.” i give him a squeeze and pull back. “Want to tear into that creampuff now?”

“Yes!”

 

The rest of the day is uneventful, Sebastian dropping me at the hotel around 5 so he can think about hitting the road. Before i leave the car i turn to him, tentative.

“Sebastian?”

“Yeah, what’s up?”

“I have a couple of things to ask you, and please, if i am being too forward or whatever, just tell me so but i gotta ask.”

“I'm a little nervous now but shoot.”

“You’re not gay, right? Or at least, you like women too, not trying to get all in your business.”

He just smiles, "I'm straight, at least as much as average I guess.”

“Ok. Can you do me a favor then?”

His eyebrows go up in nervous surprise, “depends on what it is.”

“Oh, its just--be careful ok? No drug overdoses or high speed car accidents or killing yourself or brain tumors?”

He looks so confused but nods, “I’ll ask for an explanation for that specific list someday but i will do my best to not die on you, i know the last one at least is obvious.”

“Yeah, just, I had a little crush on you and now we’re friends and i have a bad track record.”

He gives a sad smile but crosses his heart, “i’ll be as careful as possible.”

“Thanks,” I lean over and kiss him on the cheek, “text me when you get there, so i know you’re safe, ok?”

“Of course!”

I get out of the car and head to my room, Scott is waiting for me. He takes one look at my face and pulls me into a hug. “Uh-oh? Did he turn out to be a jerk?”

“No, he was amazing, putting up with me all day like a champ. It just, a bad day though.”

“I know honey,” he rubs my back as we make plans for dinner.

Around 8 i get a text from Sebastian with a photo from yet another hotel balcony. “Here safe, had a good time today. If you ever want to talk, i’m a good listener” and the hugging face emoji.

I send him back a closed eyes smile and heart along with a selfie with Scott.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my favorite painting: https://collection.cmoa.org/objects/e90c8812-7547-4acc-86ca-fe6d648e7e52  
> Mercer museum is so neat: https://www.mercermuseum.org/  
> always read the plaque is actually really great: https://99percentinvisible.org/article/always-read-plaque-mapping-10000-global-markers-memorials/  
> also 99% invisible is an AWESOME podcast.


	6. Chapter 6

Sebastian and I keep in touch. It’s kind of strange actually, I’m usually terrible about keeping in touch with people and I only knew him for a couple of days but we seemed to really click. It doesn’t hurt that there is a lot of space nerd stuff going on (new Mars landing, Pluto being a planet again, sort of, etc.). It all culminates when I go on a trip to Iceland to see the Aurora Borealis. He likes a bunch of my photos on Instagram and tags me in his story about the print I sent him and my store EXPLODES. Orders for prints roll in and I set aside the extra money for a rainy day.

 

Then he finds out he will be filming in Pittsburgh. The text he sends me about it is in all caps. It turns out that the trailers will be parked in the overflow lot in the plaza that  is in my neighborhood.

 

> “Umm hi, that is LITERALLY across the street from my house”
> 
> img_3481.jpg
> 
> That’s the view from my front porch”
> 
> “We’re going to be neighbors!”
> 
> “YES! What are the dates you will be here?”
> 
> “Currently scheduled for 6/24-7/10. It’s a tight shoot.”
> 
> “What’s it about, can you say?”
> 
> “This dude name Billy, he has had a WILD life. He was in a boxing club and fought a kangaroo, got into a fight with Prince once, was shot in the shoulder protecting the bartender at his local dive from her abusive boyfriend when he came to shoot up the place.”
> 
> “Oh.my.god. I KNOW HIM! I used to work with him! He was a trip! He was so sweet but one time some dude called him an asshole on the street and i thought he was gonna KILL HIM. Now that I think about it, you do kinda look like him, you got them baby blue eyes for sure!”
> 
> “Eyeroll emoji”
> 
> “Kissy face emoji”
> 
> “Blush emoji”
> 
> “Eyeroll emoji 
> 
> ANYWAYS! They gonna have you do the accent?”
> 
> “Haha! Yes! Got any tips?”
> 
> “Drop ‘to be’ immediately from your vernacular.”
> 
> “??”
> 
> “Like we don’t say “this needs to be cleaned” we just say “this needs cleaned”. And we say “how’s come” instead of “why”. These are both SO INGRAINED that i didn’t know they were wrong until i was in my 30s. NO JOKE”
> 
> “Laughing emoji, laughing until crying emoji”
> 
> “Laughing emoji”
> 
> “Anyone else cool in it?”
> 
> “Holly Hunter”
> 
> “NO FUCKIN WAY I LOVE HER”
> 
> “YEAH BECAUSE SHE’S AMAZING”
> 
> “Damn you get to work with the coolest people, man!”
> 
> “Yeah, I am lucky as hell”

His schedule is pretty packed but he has the 4th of July off and a couple of evenings and will be so close that we decide to play it by ear. It’s still a couple of months out anyways so no sense in getting worked up. JUST KIDDING! I go into deep cleaning mode--scrubbing my house top to bottom, touching up paint, even revamping the landscaping once the weather clears. It’s all very insane and Scott mocks me mercilessly but my brain takes the thought of a famous person maybe coming into my house and will not rest until everything is perfect.

The day the trailers are delivered to the plaza, I completely lose it. Scott has to come stay with me because i have a literal fucking panic attack. 

 

When Sebastian hits town, though, it is like we are old friends. 

He knocks on my door, we hug and then we sit on my porch drinking beers and watching the traffic go by. He’s got an early call so we call it a night pretty quickly but it is so...normal. So nice.

 

Sebastian pops by pretty randomly after that, whenever he has a few spare hours that aren’t spent catching up on sleep due to his strange hours shooting. My door is basically always open since i work from home. 

On one such occasion he pops through the front door and plops diagonally next to me on the couch.

“So! What’s your favorite restaurant in town?” He pokes me in the side and leans his cheek against the back of the couch, giving me puppy eyes.

I consider for a moment then rattle off, “well...Patron for Mexican, Max’s Allegheny Tavern has really good German food, or Noodleheads is yum-tastic Thai. Depends what you’re in the mood for”

“Well, which is the most romantic, then?” his poke has become a light caress.

“Uhh….well, probably Noodleheads though there’s always a huge wait... though Max’s too because it’s got all these intimate nooks since it’s in a big, old house. Why, you got a date?” I turn my face toward him, with a smirk.

“Yeah, with you.”

“Har-har. Not funny.” I roll my eyes, annoyed that he would tease me like that.

He pokes me again, “Hey, I’m serious! I want to take you out. On a date. With me.” 

He gives me a small sweet smile and my mouth drops and I stare at him in shock for nearly a full minute before croaking out, “wait, what?”

In my minute of shock his smile went from sweet to embarrassed to nervous. 

“Shit, sorry, is it too soon? Or are you not into me? We can just go as friends, sorry.”

“I...what? No, I just. You’re and I’m” I gesture at him and then myself.

He rolls his eyes, “honey--.” 

I wave him off, “No, it’s fine. I’m not fishing, just being realistic.”

His face softens, “sweetheart, what did i tell you back in that coffee shop in Cleveland?”

“You said I was beautiful. I thought you were just being nice, a good guy, good friend.”

“While I appreciate that, and do try to be a good dude, i did mean it. Everything i said.”

I chew on my lip, worried, “really? Like you really want to go out with ME??”

“Please? If you want to? But like i said, if it’s too soon or you aren’t into me like that, we should still go--but as friends.”

“Ok. i mean, of course i am into you. You are so hot and yet soo dorky.” he laughs as i continue, “I’m just...not used to being….pursued? I have always had to be the aggressor. Even with Paul, i chased his ass for two years before he finally came around.”

His face becomes soft again as he continues to look at me, lightly rubbing my arm. “Well, i would like to sweep you off your feet, if you’ll let me.”

Now i am the one laughing, “so romantic! So not what i am used to at all!”

He makes a confused face, “not even with Paul? After he came around?”

I scoff and roll my eyes, “Paul was wonderful. I loved him so dearly and he was an amazing man and husband but romantic he was NOT. One time that Streisand song ‘You Don’t Bring me flowers’ came on the radio and i sort of joked that if I ever sang it we’d have to change the line from ‘anymore’ to ‘in the first place’. He looked at me like i was crazy because ‘of course not! Flowers are such a waist, they just die’ and yeah, he was right, but still.” I shake my head out of my reverie. “So yeah, great man, not a romantic--too logical.”

“Well that is just unacceptable. You be ready at six tomorrow and I am gonna show you that you deserve to be romanced.”

“It wasn’t a challenge…”

“Well, i’m gonna do it up right anyways. Prepare to be wined and dined!” He shakes his index finger in the air.

I raise my eyebrows, “that sounds almost like a threat.”

“Maybe it is.” He makes a growling sound which has my eyes going wide and breath picking up.

“Ok! I’ll be ready!”

 

He shows up at 6:05 but i am still running around getting ready. He rings the doorbell like he has never been to my house before and i rush over and open the door while hooking an earring in and I freeze when I see him through the screen door. He’s wearing a royal blue suit with a black dress shirt and has a bouquet of roses, sunflowers, and hydrangeas. I just stare at him, mouth agape. He looks amazing. He pulls open the screen door and steps inside. 

“Hey, I noticed you like these flowers. I’ll put them in water for you, ok?”

I nod, mutely, and run upstairs to finish getting ready. I’m so glad i took this seriously, wearing my red halter dress, sexy--not something more cutesy. I slip on my shoes and head downstairs, where he is waiting. He offers his arm and we head out. He has a fancy car with a driver. Jesus! He isn’t fucking around, is he?

It’s a little awkward in the car but we end up talking about the kid playing the younger version of Billy and the kid antics he gets up to in his downtime on set.

“He changed Holly’s phone to Turkish!”   
“Oh my gosh! It probably took him 2 seconds and then you guys an hour to get it back”

“Pretty much!” our laughter lasts until we pull on to PJ Mcardle roadway.

“Wait? Where are we going?” 

“Well, i know you said those were your favorite but I asked around and they said to take you to LeMont. Have you ever been?”

“No. it’s so fancy!”

“Wine and dine, baby, wine and dine.” he reaches out and takes my hand.

I just swallow, thickly, what have i gotten myself into?

We pull up out front and he is over in a flash, helping me out of the car. 

So, LeMont IS fancy but once we get settled in, it’s just a restaurant. They want you to have a good time. So we do. Our waiter is very sweet and good with recommendations. We have a lovely evening, talking and looking over the city. I tell him about when i lived downtown in college and how it is so strange what a ghost town it becomes after 5. He talks a bit about Romania and Vienna and how awkward he was when he came to the US. 

“So i have a theory about that,” the wine has loosened my tongue a bit.

“About my awkward childhood?”

“Well, about people who are super attractive yet still really nice.”

He just laughs, that scrunched up nose laugh, oh if i could make him laugh like that every day.

“Anyways--every hot person i know that is also nice, which, let’s be honest, is the exception amongst the hot, has this thing where they think they are this dweeb person. And when you talk to them about their life, they almost universally had a really awkward stage around 10-15 and viola, they had to develop a personality.” i look into his eyes, “i should really thank your mom for dragging you here with your ‘weird’ European accent” i do air-quotes around weird.

“You saying i’m hot?” he leans in closer.

“AND a dork, and that is what makes you so special, the dorkiness”

“Well, you’re pretty dorky yourself.” He’s even closer now, and has taken one of my hands in his.

“I try.” I smile and lean in but then the couple two tables away gets engaged and everyone is clapping and the moment is ruined.

We walk around on Mt Washington for a while after dinner, I insist on heading down to the Duquesne Incline because it has the superior view and we look out over the city for a few minutes. The pirates are playing and they must get a home run because there are fireworks and Sebastian is taking my hand and we’re heading back to the car.

We get back to my house and he walks me to the door. I turn to him, sighing slightly, “thank you for tonight, it was so nice. I am thoroughly wined AND dined.”

“Good. I have an early day tomorrow so i should go but can I--?” he pulls me into a hug. I melt into it as he lightly rubs my back. I burrow my face against his shoulder, giving him an extra squeeze before pulling away. He runs his right hand up my arm to cup the side of my neck, thumb rubbing my cheek and I close my eyes, nuzzling it, savoring it. 

He caresses the corner of my mouth and I open my eyes to look at his and, god, if I could drown in them I would, they are so blue. He tilts my face up and is leaning in, pausing before closing the final gap, looking at me questioningly. I give a tiny nod and he kisses me. It is light and tender but when he starts to pull away I lean into it. 

He deepens it, teasing my lip with the tip of his tongue. I open slightly for him and the tips of our tongues dance together. God it feels so good. I make a low moaning sound in the back of my throat and he growls softly. He sucks my bottom lip lightly and the moan is back, higher now. He runs his thumb along the pulse in my neck and I shiver and cling to him.

When I finally pull back for air, he smiles and it’s a little shy, then he’s biting his bottom lip and it is possibly the most glorious thing I've ever seen. I giggle a little as I press my forehead against his.

“Come back tomorrow. Whenever you're done. I'll wait up.”

“Ok, I'll text as soon as they get me back in the makeup chair. That'll give a 30 minute heads up.”

He leaves me with a tiny kiss. 

After I lock the door behind him, I lean against it, rubbing my lips with my fingers. 

Is this really my life?


	7. Chapter 7

The next night, he texts me at 12:08, “finally done for the night, you still want me to swing by?”

“YES! Did you eat? I made grilled chicken for dinner.”

“Heart eyes emoji. Oh yes, that would be amazing!”

“Kiss face emoji”

“Hearts face emoji, kiss face emoji”

I set the phone down and quickly whip him up a plate for dinner, dancing around my kitchen to some Too Many Zooz and startle slightly when I hear a knock on the screen door.

He peeks his head in and smiles, “hey, don’t stop dancing on my account! You look real cute!” I feel my face heat up and turn my back to him, pretending to busy myself with his dinner. He comes up behind me, giving me a side hug. He nuzzles against my cheek and whispers, “missed you, honey.”

I give a little shiver and turn to him, “hungry?” He nods and I lead him to the back patio. The night air is warm but blessedly free of humidity for once. We sit side by side on my rattan couch and talk about our day and how his shoot is going. 

When he is done eating, I take his plate and toss it in the sink to deal with later, coming back out with a small container, “I know you like peanut butter, but what about bananas?”

“Sure!”

“Ok, I have this new banana ice cream I made, do you want to try it with me?”

“Yes!” he grabs my free hand and pulls me onto his lap.

“Oh, I don’t--” 

He kisses me then. It is tender and a little shy but quickly ramps up, our mouths engage in the age old dance until we are both panting. When we pull apart, he smiles at me, “so, banana ice cream?”

“Hmm? Oh, yeah. With a fudge ribbon. It’s only bananas, peanut butter, and the fudge. It sounded really good.”

“Well,” he picks up a spoon and grabs the container with his other hand, “let’s find out, shall we?” he scoops up a spoonful and holds it up to my mouth. 

I lick my now-tender lips before opening and the cool smooth flavor is wonderful. I close my eyes to take in the flavor and, yes, good job me. When i open them he is looking at me, biting his lip. I grab the other spoon and follow his lead, feeding him a bite. 

He groans a little when he tastes it, “god I love peanut butter!”

I giggle a little (sue me) and we go through the rest of the small batch, taking turns feeding it to each other. 

When it is gone, he sets it on the table and pulls me back down to kiss him. It feels so good, I can’t believe this is all happening so easily. I shift around to straddle his leg without breaking the kiss. He groans and rocks up against me, I can feel his half-erection against my upper thigh and moan a little in response. 

He trails a hand down my side to cup my ass and pulls back to whisper, “did I tell you I like these little shorts you got on?” He nuzzles against my bare collarbone, “and this top! How’m I supposed to keep my hands off of you?” He moves his free hand to tangle in the hair at the base of my neck as he trails a line of kisses down the side of my neck that make me burn with fire. I am gasping for breath now, hips rolling against his leg. His hand travels from my ass to the hem of my shirt and pauses for a moment before slipping underneath. He lightly caresses my belly before continuing up to cup my breast. He groans against my throat as I arch against his hand. 

I can feel the heat curling in my stomach and the familiar ache in my groin. I know where this will lead if I let it. 

The thought panics me. “Wait,” I suddenly cry out, “waitwaitwait. Fuck. just, please--” I slide sideways one leg still draped over his lap.   
He leans back to look at me, hand still caressing the back of my neck, soothingly now. 

“I--I don't think I can do this.” I cover my mouth with my hand for a moment before continuing. “It feels so good. Too good. I could just get swept away with the feeling and I don't want to stop...but I know I'm not ready.” I can’t meet his eyes, “I'm sorry. Please don’t be mad.” I put my hand over my eyes to try and ward off the threatening tears, breath shaking. 

He silently re-arranges me, pulling me back up on his lap, cradling me to his chest. He lightly kisses my temple, “shhh no, it’s ok. What kinda guy would I be if I got mad about that?” He rubs my back and pulls my shirt back down, smoothing it into place.

“Just--whatever this is between us, I don’t want to regret it.” I curl tighter into his embrace. 

“We can take it slow as you want, honey. You don't owe me anything.” 

I nod, slowly regaining my composure.

He rubs a circle on my calf and looks nervous a moment before saying, “I'd like to stay tonight, if you want me to, but if you are uncomfortable or want me to go, I will.”

“Please stay. Please.” I grab a fistfull of his shirt and bury my face in his shoulder.

After a while we head to my bedroom, the queen-sized bed has fresh sheets and is actually made for once. “Hey, so, I hate blankets so,” I give him a look before completely destroying the put-together look, pulling the comforter off and tossing it to ‘his’ side and the top sheet to mine. “Hope this is OK? Paul always called it the ‘zone system’ of sleeping”. 

He smirks a little before laying down and pulling me close to his chest. 

We lay quietly for a while, nerves settling. 

As I think I’m about to fall asleep, a thought pops into my head and I suddenly let out a bark of laughter.

Sebastian pulls his face back to look at me, “What’s funny?”

The laughter is bubbling out of me now, “Paul. He would be laughing his ass off, like seriously just full body laughter over the fact that I have ‘shot you down’. He would be making little gun and plane crashing sounds! and....”  a little giddy, light headed from how hard I’ve been laughing, “oh, fuck, the glee he would be taking at the fact that I feel like I'm cheating on him. He would just die--” 

The laugh immediately dies in my throat, “oh, god, Sebastian!” my face crumples an I bury it in his chest. “I'm so sorry!” I am suddenly sobbing, whimpering “sorry” over and over. 

“Shhh, shhh, it's ok. It's alright. I haven't done anything wrong. Not against me or him. If, hey it's ok, look at me please,” he taps the underside of my chin and I look up at him, gulping and sniffing. “If this is too much and you really feel like you’re cheating, we can just be friends. I'd rather have that then have you feeling bad.”

“No--I don't really feel like that. My head is just all messed up. This will probably be two steps forward, one step back--or, hell, three steps back sometimes--for a while.” I swallow thickly, “if you want to get off the roller coaster of my fucked up emotions, I'll understand.”

“No way, I love roller coasters.” He kisses my cheek and we both settle back down.

I think it will take a while for me to settle down but I fall asleep within minutes.


End file.
